


Photograph

by absolute_value



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, a little bit of tragedy, attempt in slow burn, mentions but can be dark, minor mentions of aokaga/kuromomo, sad!kise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-01-27 20:09:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12589628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absolute_value/pseuds/absolute_value
Summary: He wanted everything to last in the photograph, but also wished the photograph to become a reality.





	1. Chapter 1

I changed quite a few things in the plotline because I didn't like the intro. It's not a drastic change, but just for heads up!

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Another day had begun.

 

Kise groaned and woke up from his bed, stumbling to the kitchen to grab a cup of water. He was glad that he didn’t step over the camera. Impatiently pouring himself a cup of water, which spilt on the table a little bit, Kise chugged it down his throat. After wiping his mouth away, he made himself a breakfast. A slice of bread, ham, cheese and another slice on top. He used to buy some from the food truck on his way to work, but even that was now an extravagance for him. Cutting down his daily expenses was important. He could make his ends meet with his current salary, but that was all he could manage. He couldn’t afford much luxury in his life.

 

 _Life really sucks_ , he realized at year nineteen, and his belief did not change till he was twenty-nine.

 

He brushed his teeth, put on some casual clothes and slipped on his used-to-be-white, outsole canvas. Kise got used to folding down the heels of it. The weather was getting colder day by day, and Kise threw on his jacket. Last but not least, he put on his black cap with the cotton mask. Shoving the key into the back pocket of his jeans, Kise closed the door. He yawned until his mouth couldn’t stretch farther and let out a small sigh. Thursday. Just two more of these tiring days and two days off. His body was weary after three minutes out of his house.

 

Maybe he was getting old. Twenty-nine, almost thirty. He was probably closer to the starting point of his life than the end point, but the word “youth” didn’t seem to suit him. Or maybe he lost his youth since nineteen. There wasn’t a youth for him at all.

 

Crappy thought, Kise shook his head away and walked straight. There was a train station near the restaurant he worked at, and in the morning, it was always crowdy with businessmen and women heading for their own work just like Kise was. Everyone in the crowd with their own indifferent look on their face, passing one person and the another.

 

But after all, it was a normal autumn morning. Kise Ryouta crushed the dried leaves under his step, listening to the crisp sound of leaves echoing. He regretted a little not going out when the leaves were turning red and yellow. All the beautiful days had gone by so quickly. He thought it was getting colder, after all those inaccurate weather reports. Kise adjusted his cotton mask and cap and walked forward. His eyes fixed at the floor covered with autumn leaves. He hit up a few more notches, and calm music played. The train station was not far away, until someone softly grabbed, or, held onto his arms, making him stop.

 

“Excuse me,” Kise turned around, noticing a man with bright red hair and eyes with matching color.

 

The man was not that young, but not that old either. He was somewhere around Kise’s age, late twenties or early thirties. Indeed, his hair color did make him stand out a little bit from the crowd, but also, he was very handsome. Good-looking, round forehead, tall nose, sharp but not overly strong jaw line, eyes that gave off a confident vibe. He looked up at Kise, so he was a little shorter than him but not that short. If he took away the man’s heels in the shoes along with the insoles, Kise guessed he would be around 5’11 to 6 feet.

 

Damn, and that shoes looked fancy; reflecting autumn morning sunlight. Kise didn’t know the brand or the product name, but assured that it was some expensive fashion brand. He was wearing black, long trench coat that came down to his mid-thigh, and under the jacket was a formal-looking suit. And those clothes looked expensive too. He was wearing matching pair of leather gloves, which would be another pricey fashion material. Despite dressing himself in full-expensive-looking clothes, the man looked authentic in it rather than fake or overly flamboyant. They naturally blended into the man’s own aura.

 

After scanning his fashion and looks, it took Kise about three seconds to figure out who the man was, including his name, age and birthday. Something clicked like a puzzle; his dressy, expensive attire, the bright red hair and eyes, and the voice. That voice!

 

_Akashi Seijuurou._

 

Then Kise’s heart sank, siren ringing loudly in his brain to run away.

 

“Sorry,” Kise shortly said and started to walk away, pretending he never saw the man.

“Excuse me, sir!” he held Kise’s arm lightly, “sir, could you please give me a second?”

“I have nothing to say, sorry.”

“I know this sounds awkward in the Thursday morning, but may I please ask for your number?”

 

Kise, running away and totally stunned, turned around to face the man. Totally caught off-guard, he gave the man what-do-you-mean look and gesturing him to continue. It was not expected, at all.

 

“I-I, thought you looked,” the man’s lips curved slightly to create a smile. It wasn’t huge, but peaceful and gentle. He politely handed Kise his cellphone, “beautiful.”

 

_“Look at him.”_

_“Who?”_

_“That dude. Ew, look at his face!”_

_“Oh god, he looks like a **monster**.”_

 

Thump, thump, thump. Kise clenched his fist. Beautiful? The word beautiful was that one word that was absolutely not compatible with him. Kise was not beautiful. He was no way near beautiful. He was not—

 

He slapped the guy on the face. The man looked puzzled, somewhat shocked by Kise’s sudden behavior. When he caressed his left cheek where he had just been slapped, Kise realized what he had done. Shocked at his own action, he gasped and then shoved Akashi’s cellphone back to him. Kise started to run, not looking back.

 

His heart bounced, then it jumped. And it started to race, until Kise heard the noise of heartbeat in his ears, and thought it bumped so hard that it would pop out from his body. Kise ran to relieve himself out of the thought. It was a mere horror and panic that rushed over him. It didn’t take him a long time to remember that he didn’t say “sorry.”

 

The blood shoot right up to his face until he was feeling hot in the middle of chilly autumn day. He panted in front of the door of his workplace, sweating and coughing all over. Even standing upright was painful. Certainly, his body was no longer young, nor healthy. The owner, Mizuko came running to him thinking that something bad happened to him. She was the lady in her mid-fifties, running the restaurant with her husband. Kise panted and asked for a glass of water. How long had he run for? Not even a kilo, probably. A few hundred meters and he was already out of energy. In his primetime, running a few kilometers wasn’t barely a deal for him. He would run day and night and would be still perfectly fine.

 

Kise gulped the water, not caring if it trickled down the side of his face. Mizuko sat on the opposite side of the table, carefully examining him from head to toe.

 

“What was going on, Kise-kun?”

“Uh,” Kise tried to think about a legitimate excuse, but couldn’t think of a brilliant one, “just, something happened.”

“Something,” she said, “are you okay? You look pale.”

“Probably I haven’t run in a good while,” he answered with an awkward smile, “I’ll get changed.”

 

Kise took off his t-shirts and jackets, buttoning up his uniform with his trembling hand. He hated the sticky feeling of his shirt sticking to his body. Just the thought of what just had happened made him shudder, but Kise exhaled and looked at himself in the mirror. It was a one-time incident, he told himself. He tied his apron back and headed to the kitchen.  

 

 

 

His usual work consisted of preparing, chopping the ingredients and often cooking it. When there wasn’t a lot of work, Kise would wash the dishes too. From the morning shift from 10 to the evening shift, till 8, he spent the entire day in the small kitchen he was designated to. The work wasn’t all that bad; the family always treated him nicely and let him be at ease. Since the restaurant was quite popular among the neighborhood, the salary wasn’t bad either. It wasn’t enough to save and go travel abroad or something, but enough to feed and clothe himself, paying all the taxes including the rent. Plus, the most important thing was that Kise didn’t really have anywhere to go aside from this restaurant. His world consisted of his small one-room apartment, kitchen, and one inner world that he created for himself. It was different from someone like Akashi’s, where the entire world is basically his’.

 

He heard about Akashi through the media. Heard that he finally became the chief executive manager of the corporation. It wasn’t that surprising, considering that he was the Akashi, the highest of all, the emperor since high school.

 

What did Akashi Seijuurou even look like? Certainly good-looking, even from the glimpse Kise was able to notice that. He always had a soft, glowing aura gushing out all over from his body that made him seem like a God-like person. He for sure had nice clothes on, something that would worth a year worth of Kise’s salary, brand-new phone, and a million-dollar watch. What would that even feel like? Ecstatic, was the first word that came to Kise’s mind. Handsome, rich male in twenties. Every lady would come running into his embrace. Akashi would have nothing to fear, would he? Kise was stuck here; in the kitchen, in his tiny apartment for years and had no way of escaping this life. He was grateful for what he had, and yet couldn’t help but blame the fate. Stared blankly into the space, submerged in his thoughts, Kise nearly cut himself with the knife. He shook the thought off, fixed his grip on the knife and continued to slice the carrot.

 

“Two more udons coming up, dear!” Mizuko said, and Kise spat out a “yes.” He sped up slicing the vegetables.

 

What Kise knew for sure, was that he and Akashi were incompatible right now.

 

 

 

“I can do the rest,” Kise said, washing the dishes but Mizuko took over his spot.

“I’m good. It’s already seven thirty. You should go get some rest, dear.”

“I’m totally fine, Mizuko-san.”

“It’s okay. Go home early and get some rest. Make sure you sleep lots!”

 

Kise tiredly kicked off his shoes and plunged onto his tiny mattress, which was so narrow that he could barely roll over in his sleep. He took off his cap that he was wearing the entire way back as well as the mask. Stumbling his way to the bathroom, Kise stared at himself in the mirror.

 

In the mirror was a black-haired, exhausted-looking man of late twenties. He had faint, round dark circles that came down just slightly under his eyes and chapped lips that already was bleeding. And on his left side of his face, the skin was quite a bit darker and redder than his overall skin tone. It had slight wrinkles, and was spread across the majority of his cheeks and outer part of his left face. It came down to his neck, shoulder blades, a little bit on his left forearm and mostly on his back. Kise stroked his cheeks, fingers touching different texture than the rest of his velvet skin.

 

Everything flashed in his mind in that few seconds, burning his heart and stomach like how his skin was. Kise shook it off. Reminiscing about the past always dragged him down. What was in the past, must remain as a history. It only caused him pain to think about how incredible things were ten years ago, when he thought everything was going to be perfect and did not think of any downfalls. When Kise Ryouta thought his life couldn’t be any more perfect, how beautiful things were. The trees, birds, flowers, greenness of summer, and himself.

 

But what now? Things had changed.

 

Lots. And Kise absolutely hated that change. And because Kise hated that change, Akashi Seijurrou was forbidden to meet Kise Ryouta again. Akashi Seijuurou cannot, in any circumstance, recognize Kise again.

 

“It’s turning back to yellow again,” Kise murmured and caressed his hair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You made it, Akashi-kun.”

“Sure I did, Tetsuya. It’s our reunion in a year, right?” Akashi smiled, “rather, I’m glad that Shintarou made it.”

“It’s not like doctors have no free time,” Midorima shoot back with a slight frown, “I have _this_ much of time for myself.”

“Eh, I remember Mido-chin complaining about his work the other day?” Murasakibara said, and Midorima immediately slammed the purple-haired male’s mouth with his fingers.

“More like I’m surprised that you still tape you fingers. Aren’t you lazy? I think I’m lazy,” Aomine said.

“You’re always lazy,” they all laughed at Midorima’s comment, “I do it for the sake of hygiene. I don’t do this at work, because I have to wear gloves and wash hands constantly but when I’m outside, I still do.”

“You haven’t changed a single bit, Shintarou,” Akashi said.

“I don’t think _you_ should be saying that, Akashi-kun.”

“Am I, Tetsuya?”

“Yes.”

 

Akashi smiled along with his old friends. Ordering a group course menu, the five friends grinned at each other.

 

“By the way, what happened to your phone yesterday, Akashi?”

“Ah, some accident.”

“Accident? Did you like forget it somewhere or something?”

“No, not in particular. But there was a slight misunderstanding. Someone thought my phone was theirs.”

“Ah, so that’s why,” Aomine said as he sipped his cup of water.

“How are you doing nowadays, Daiki?”

“Busy as fu—, I mean, I’m really busy.”

“Did you just almost swear?” Murasakibara asked him, and Aomine nodded. “I remember you swearing every day of your life in high school.”

“He said ‘shit’ and ‘fuck’ at least once every two hours,” Kuroko added.

“You didn’t have to add that part!” Aomine frowned a little, “but yeah. I started to not use swear words since a few months ago.”

“That’s very unusual of you,” Midorima asserted.

“What do you guys think I am? Like a total asshole?”

“You just swore, by the way.”

“Oh damn.”

“Again,” Kuroko pointed out, making Aomine roll his eyes.

“I don’t believe ‘damn’ counts,” he tried to defend himself, “anyways. I try to reduce the number of times I swear after I made the kid cry.”

“What the hell did you do?” Murasakibara inquired him.

“I didn’t do something all that terrible! I swore unconsciously walking down the street, and the kid was scared and she ran off. I kinda felt guilty after that.”

“It’s very good of you to use a proper language,” Akashi claimed, “and is your English much better now?”

“Duh, I live in America, Akashi. Where do you think I learned all that American swear words from?”

“Oops, seems like I forgot,” he chuckled, “how’s your game going?”

“Didn’t you see my games?”

“Well, I do have to admit that sometimes I miss it. But I watched most of it.”

“Good. Then you must know, eh?” Aomine grinned.

 

Their appetizers had arrived, and Murasakibara frowned at the green vegetables in front of him. It was exactly like when he was only sixteen. Midorima and Akashi willingly took some from Murasakibara’s plate for themselves. The talk continued. One by one, they all talked about their recent lives after graduating Teiko Highschool and leaving Teiko Basketball club.

 

Aomine Daiki was certainly at the pinnacle of his life. He was the only pro-basketball player out of all the basketball club members. Currently affiliated in Cleveland Cavaliers, he was living in Ohio and dropped by Japan during off-season. The season was starting soon, and this night was his last night in Japan before he returned to his home in America. Not only he was famous for being an Asian, MVP-nominated athlete in both Japan and America, but also his tall and handsome physical features drew attention.

 

Murasakibara Atsushi, the number one center of Teiko Basketball club was now working as an architect. Recently, one of the projects that he was participating in was starting and he too was getting busy. Near-thirty-years old Murasakibara looked more mature in a physical sense, but it seemed to Akashi that he was still a sixteen-years old. Craving sweets, hates complicated things and always being lazy.

 

Midorima Shinatrou had achieved his goal in becoming a doctor. After years of studying day and night, he finally got his medical degree in one of the best schools in Japan and was a rookie doctor now. His life was extremely busy, but Midorima was satisfied with his life. He always treated his patient with his best effort.

 

Kuroko Tetsuya, the shadow was now the journalist. Always carrying around dictionary-thick books in his bag, he never took his eyes off of the text when he was in high school. As much as he loved basketball, he loved reading. Although he barely passed other subjects, Kuroko always had the top marks in language arts, even surpassing Midorima who was one of the smartest student in Teiko. Kuroko was busy going here and there to research about the article he was writing, but he was satisfied with his job as well.

 

And Akashi Seijuurou. The executive director. The rich one. There was no need to explain how perfect Akashi’s life was.

 

 

 

“Heard from Satsuki that you guys are going out,” drunken Aomine asked Kuroko. His pronunciation was slightly slurred and cheeks were turning red.

“We are, Aomine-kun.”

“She was screaming so much! How her first love became true, and all that kind of stuff. You know that she had crush on you for three straight years back in high school, didn’t you?”

“How could anyone not notice that?” Kuroko said.

“Obviously someone didn’t know, though,” Murasakibara stared at Midorima.

“Shut up!” he shot back and the purple-haired male let out a laugh.

“Damn, so much drama going on. Satsuki asked me which dress suit her the best for five straight hours because she needed an honest opinion from a ‘guy’.”

“She could have just asked me,” Kuroko frowned a little bit. He seemed slightly irritated.

“Ew, I’m getting goosebumps. So much lovey-dovey going on here,” Murasakibara shook his head sideways.

“I know right? Stop being such a love bird, Tetsu.”

“Says the one who came out in front of every NBA fans worldwide,” he argued back. Aomine Daiki was currently in a relationship with fellow NBA star player, Kagami Taiga. It became a legend that Aomine Daiki kissed Kagami Taiga after winning his final match of the season. Right after he scored his last goal, cheered on with his teammates, the first person he stepped towards to was Kagami who was watching the game in the audience. Aomine grabbed Kagami by his hoodie and slammed their lips right on the spot. The entire stadium was quiet for a second, and burst out into cheers and claps.

“We were planning to come out eventually,” he grunted, “anyways. Yeah. How ‘bout you, Murasakibara?”

“I’m single, as always. I always kinda scare away the girls because they say I’m ‘too tall’. Don’t care about relationships, but I hate the fact that I scare away people,” he sighed, “I hate being tall.”

“Then do you mind sharing 20 centimeters of your height with me?” Kuroko asked.

“Okay, except in basketball.”

“Fuck you,” Kuroko blurted, “How about you, Midorima-kun?”

“Blind dates, usually. My parents set me up with another woman.”

“And did you find any of them really, _compatible_ with you?”

“Maybe, there was one lady whom I met about a month ago. She seems okay,” he replied, “I’m open to relationships for now.”

“It’s quite surprising to hear that from you, Shintarou,” Akashi said, “you refrained yourself from socializing.”

“Well, I do want to get married one day. And I’m sure there will be someone out there for me,” he claimed, “and you, Akashi?”

“I am not sure. But recently, I’ve found someone that I might be interested in.”

“ _YOU_?!”

 

Aomine slammed down the beer can on the table, the alcohol splattering and wetting Murasakibara’s shirt. The purple-haired frowned and pouted. Everyone seemed stunned as well. Kuroko was glancing at other’s reactions, and Midorima stared at him with his mouth wide open.

 

“Am I not allowed to be in a relationship?” Akashi gently smiled.

“It’s not that,” Aomine answered, “it’s just, just…. You… in… high school, uh, just, uhm, no, never mind me. Forget about me.”

 

Akashi sighed in a volume only he could hear, but did not erase that smile off of his face.

 

“I got over it. Long time ago. It’s ten years ago, Daiki. I should have let him go since long ago, and I did. Plus, I _was_ in relationship with some people.”

“But it’s first time since you talked about relationships in a positive way. Whenever I asked you, you just nodded and refused to really talk about it,” Kuroko said and everyone nodded.

“Did I?” Akashi asked.

“Yes, you did,” Kuroko said, “but how is that person? I’m curious.”

“I actually don’t know him yet.”

“At least how he looks?”

“I assume he is good looking.”

“Wait, so you’ve never even met him?” Murasakibara commented and every pairs of eyes were fixed on Akashi.

“I did, he covered his face up with mask and hat so I couldn’t see it properly,” he answered, “he had beautiful golden eyes though.”

“ _Oh_ ,” everyone let out the cry.

“Guys, I told you that I let go of him. Indeed, he seemed very different from Kise.”

“How could you tell?”

“From overall atmosphere of him. He was shy and introverted. I’m pretty sure if you all meet him, you will think that these two people are very different. And it would be very rude of me, if I think he is interesting just because he looks like a person whom I dated a decade ago.”

 

Midorima nodded. He always had a firm belief in Akashi Seijuurou in every aspect; basketball, studies, friends and even the pettiest decisions on whether to buy bread or pasta for lunch. Aomine and Murasakibara didn’t talk anymore too.

 

Kise Ryouta was now a tabooed word between the Teiko high school alumnus. It was like saying Lord Voldemort’s name in Harry Potter. The action itself wasn’t really illegal but everyone hesitated to do it and let out a small gasp when they heard the name. Nobody really brought up the topic, and they all were aloof to talk about Kise. They always had missed him, but they kept that emotion in the back of their minds because the topic was depressing and always let the atmosphere down.

 

“Geez, okay…” Aomine cautiously glanced around to see others’ reaction, “and no one really knows where he is, huh? Or what he’s doing?”

“If anyone here knew anything about him, there would already be one more of us right here,” Midorima said in a reprimanding tone, which Aomine did not enjoy listening to very much.

“You don’t know anything either, Kuro-chin? Weren’t you the closest with Kise-chin in high school? Or at least Kise-chin said that you were closest with him. In terms of friendship.”

“Me?” Kuroko seemed quite startled at Murasakibara’s question, “…No, I don’t know anything.”

 

No one tried to speak up for a while. Then it was Akashi who changed the topic smoothly to basketball. Everyone was playing basketball as a hobby, except for Aomine who was a pro and does it for a living. He bragged that he can play one versus everyone else as one team and still win while Akashi did dare him. Kuroko insisted that his body was getting older and Murasakibara was fired up by what Aomine said, although he didn’t admit it. Soon enough, they were all laughing again and promising a basketball match soon, teasing Aomine who would be missing out due to his games in America.

 

 

“It was nice meeting you. I’ll be going since I have work tomorrow,” Midorima smiled and quickly took off. _So fast_ , Kuroko whispered under his breath.

“Well, not me, but see you. Mine-chin, I’ll be watching how pathetic you are~?”

“Shut up, you bastard! I’m gonna take this year’s MVP too!” Murasakibara didn’t even listen to Aomine’s reply but walked away with his unusually long legs. He held up a hand, waving goodbye.

“I’ll be going too.  I have an interview that I have to wrap up,” Kuroko gave Aomine a fist bump like they did in high school and small hug with Akashi.

“I guess I’ll be going to the hotel then,” Aomine said, “nice meeting all of you. Damn, it kinda feels lonely there sometimes.”

“It’s a weight that you have to bear for being a basketball superstar,” Akashi sighed, “and at least you got your lover there.”

“Lover and friends feel different.”

“Come visit us often during off-seasons. Everyone loves your presence here.”

“I am so fucking touched,” he laughed, “anyway, see you Akashi. Know it sounds lame, but it’s awesome meeting you and everyone else.”

“Me too. Bye, Daiki.”

“Goodbye, Akashi.”

 

The miracles were scattered again.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Lazy Sunday morning. Kise was lying on his bed. Sunshine was spilling into his room from the window and shining on his newly-dyed hair. He heard his phone ringing, picked up. The name on the screen made his big eyes go bigger and brought the rare, happy smile to his lips. He got up and sat on the edge of the bed, answering the phone with an enthusiastic voice.

 

“Kuroko-cchi!”  
“Hello, Kise-kun. Sorry I couldn’t really call you for a while. I was busy for a few weeks.”

 

 

 

 

3.

 

“How are you doing?” Kuroko asked.

“I’m… okay. Just as usual. How ‘bout you, Kuroko-cchi?”

“I’m doing great. Busy nowadays. A bunch of interviews, then new articles to write… but it’s much better than being jobless.”

“Eh, I always thought news articles are boring.”

“They’re never boring,” Kuroko argued back, “they’re _fun._ And useful and informative.”

“Okay, geez, whatever it is,” Kise laughed, “seems like you really enjoy it.”

“I do. I’m glad I’m a journalist,” Kuroko said, “how’s photography going?”

“I haven’t take a lot of pictures these past few days…,” Kise confessed. He was too busy trying to work his butt off and pay rents and water bills. On weekends, he was exhausted and chose to lay back and not do any work.

“You should take some nice ones and show me soon.”

“I gotta do that!” he exclaimed delightedly, “is the weather nice today?”

“It’s awesome. It’s sunny and the day is warm. You should go outside.”

“Hmm, maybe I do need some vitamin D in my life,” he said, “okay. I’m going to go out today. Do you think you can come with me, Kuroko-cchi?”

“Unfortunately, no. I still have a lot of things to wrap up and the deadline is next Tuesday. I guess I have to spend a few more days with caffeine. My dark circle is will turn so dark that it’s going to make me an eternal shadow.”

“You’ll certainly make it in time. ‘Cause you’re Kuroko Tetsuya.”

“Yes, I am the shadow Kuroko Tetsuya,” he declared, “it was so nice when we all played basketball together.”

“…it was, such nice times.”

“Kise-kun,” Kuroko’s voice dropped a pitch lower, “we had a reunion yesterday.”

“…Oh.”

“Everyone. Even Akashi-kun came.”

 

There was a moment of silence, neither Kuroko nor Kise spoke.

 

“It must have been great, so much fun! You guys all make a such fantastic team, don’t you?” Kise tried to sound exhilarated for Kuroko and others. The other male on the opposite side of the lane was quiet for few seconds.

“We all miss you, Kise-kun.”

“……that’s so sweet!” Kise commented. _Despite how much of an asshole I am to them._

“Come to our next reunion,” he suggested with a softer voice, “we’re planning on having a basketball match except Aomine-kun.”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it!” Kise said with his most delighted voice, remembering to laugh slightly at the end so he didn’t sound gloomy.|

“You sure?” Kuroko asked, “you love basketball.”

“I loved basketball for sure,” Kise repeated his words, “anyways, it’s so nice of you to think of me. Kuroko-cchi, I think I’m going to go out now to take some pictures. You must be busy too, right? I can’t hold onto you for a long time; it must be disrespectful of me.”

“…I do have some work, yes,” Kuroko admitted, “please, think about coming to our reunion.”

“I said I’ll think about it.”

“In a serious way.”

“Sure, sure, Kuroko-cchi,” Kise said, “I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”

“Good bye, Kise-kun. I’ll call you soon again.”

“Bye.”

 

Kise hit the cancel button and sighed. The forced smile on his face was now completely wiped off. There was a heavy weight pressing onto his chest and it wouldn’t budge; just simply made Kise sigh and sigh again. Kuroko was pressuring him again to come to the reunion. Ever since he started to keep in touch with Kuroko again, he always suggested Kise to keep in touch with his ex-Teiko teammates. Kise then always replied, ‘he’ll think about it,’ but it was a roundabout way of saying ‘no.’ Both Kise and Kuroko knew that without a doubt.

 

He heard the last time from Kuroko that Murasakibara had a promotion in his work. Midorima finally became a doctor, Akashi was doing fantastic, and Aomine, Kise knew what Aomine was doing even without Kuroko. The Miracles were all going on with their life and Kise was glad that they were despite the wave of envy that often came and hit him in late night and early dawn.

 

I’m good, he told himself.

 

Kise got up, stretched his arms and dressed up. He was actually going out to take some pictures. Putting grey scarf around his neck and cotton globes, he looked at himself in the mirror. Finally he put on his mask and hat, and he was ready to go.

 

Photography became his hobby since nineteen. When he was still in high school, it wasn’t really a big deal for him. Camera, pictures. Taking a bunch of pictures, anyone could do that, he thought. Kise started to take an interest in photography when he started to do modeling work after he graduated high school. He first owned a camera that his acquaintance gave him, saying that she didn’t need it for she was getting a new one. He used it for about seven years and got a new one three years ago. While Kise was internally debating over whether he should buy a new camera that would make him suffer for a good three months or not, he heard the news that he was the winner of the photography contest that he entered several months ago. Often, Kise would submit entries to contests and win. And as a prize, professional camera plus the gift card was given to him.

 

Kise often headed to the park located in the middle of the city. Anything existing in the park was a subject for the picture but nature was one of his favorites. Autumn leaves, blue sky, trees and the skyscrapers in the city. Kise simply focused on taking good pictures. He loved this because it made him feel calm and be at ease. There was nothing else to worry about and he was in his own universe. The camera lens was his eyes and whatever the lens caught was saved to be savored later, another piece of photograph added to his world. The littlest slice of happiness that Kise could enjoy, was photography.

 

 

 

 

 

 4.

 

He put his arms around Akashi from the back, who was sitting in a perfect pose, reading classical novel. Rubbing his face on the other male’s shoulder and making weird noises, he finally managed to catch Akashi’s attention. Akashi smiled, took Kise’s right hand which was placed on his left shoulder, and gave it a small, gentle peck. Kise’s face, still buried in the smaller male’s shoulder, turned bright pink. He could never get used to how gentle and romantic Akashi actually was.

 

Contrary to the popular belief in Teiko that Akashi was the authoritative, cold-blooded alpha male who had no emotion, Akashi Seijuurou was quite a teenage boy. He could be authoritative, especially in basketball, and there was no doubt that he was an absolute alpha male. However, he was lot softer than what people thought him to be. He laughed at small jokes and little things that made him happy, expressed his emotions with his actions and words and sometimes even joined his friends who were doing something silly, like playing with the rug after cleaning the gym. His (what other people call) soft side especially stood out when he was with Kise Ryouta, his lover.

 

“Bored, Ryouta?”

“I mean, yeah, since you’re only paying attention to the boring novel.”

“Oh, I should have given you more attention,” he laughed, “I’m sorry, dear. What do you want?”

“I dunno. Maybe something, instead of reading that book?”

“Hmm, then do you mind taking a trip down to the vending machine with me?” Akashi offered a hand, which Kise gladly took. Holding hands, they made their way out of the classroom. And Kuroko, who was sitting right behind Akashi was not glad to see the couple.

 

Akashi wasn’t the type to brag and show off his love life to others, but he didn’t try to hide it either. He often held hands with Kise, looking him into the eyes with the gaze of pure love and tenderness that anyone who saw that would instantly know that Akashi Seijuurou was in love with Kise Ryouta. _It gives me goosebumps when I see Akashi staring at Kise like that,_ Aomine once mentioned. Along with every other member in Teiko, he supported their teammates’ love life but was not content to see every bit of it so closely. Yet he didn’t complain about how Akashi became lenient and laid-back after he started to go out with Kise. He didn’t go easy on all the training, but it was true that he felt less emotional and sensitive.

 

 

 

Kise would say Kise Ryouta at age 13 is the most terrible and somewhat rude creature he would ever encounter. 13-years old Kise was full of self-pride and vanity, to the point it was getting dangerous. Working as a junior model, everyone looked up to him, treating the teenager as if he was a prince. Wherever he went, people recognized him and complimented him. Girls wanted him; guys wanted to be like him. It almost felt too good, that being treated like a prince became a part of his life. Rude and spoiled enough, Kise thought he was the most important and beautiful person in the entire world until he started to play basketball in Teiko junior high.

 

The prestigious Teiko junior high seemed the same for Kise Ryouta. People turned around to see him whenever he marched across the hallways, girls screaming and guys looking at him with an awe. Some of the brave ones had the guts to come up and ask for an autograph. Sports was the same. Kise always excelled at whatever sports he played. There wasn’t anything too hard. He watched what the players were doing and copied it perfectly. Within few seconds, he mastered the sport. He was the best at that sports in his entire grade level, or the entire school. It might seem awesome that one can be an expert at something after only few attempts, but for Kise, it was nothing but series of mundane days. He was the best; the most beloved, good-looking, athletic guy in Teiko until Aomine Daiki and basketball prodded in his life.

 

Aomine was a pure genius at basketball and Kise was intrigued by his play. Naturally, he started to play basketball and met Teiko basketball players there. And from there, Kise changed a lot. One thing he learned was that he will always not be the best at something. No matter how hard he tried, Kise couldn’t beat Aomine. Although they were neck to neck, Aomine always won the match and Kise went back home somewhat upset, but entertained too. Moreover, it was not just Aomine. Everyone in the first string of basketball club was what people would call “monsters.” Although Kise was gifted with his athletic abilities, he himself couldn’t win against any of the Teiko members. The first realization hit him; the world didn’t evolve around himself only.

 

Next, he learned that he shouldn’t judge people by how they look. After a few matches with Kuroko Tetsuya, who seemed like the weakest player in the entire club, Kise learned that Kuroko was beyond what he had imagined. The pass that he received was completely unexpected in a good way. He never told anyone, but was deeply shocked at what happened that day, then was ashamed at his condescending attitude towards Kuroko for past weeks. Kise realized people could have different strengths and weaknesses, and acknowledged and admired Kuroko for his unique strength.

 

Kise wasn’t sure if he appreciated for all that he had. But he can say, being in the team made him less self-centered. He wasn’t so full of himself. It would be a lie if Kise said he didn’t enjoy the attention he got, but at least, he didn’t think he was the 21st century prince. Probably he would say he went from being prideful, almost narcissistic to confident.

 

He grew closer with the teammates and by the time he was in the third year of Teiko junior high, everyone knew each other better than anyone else. Kise, particularly grew closer with Akashi in a different sense. He didn’t remember how it started. They were in the club together, played together, and boom. All of a sudden, an emotion called “love” was established between them. Both of them hesitated to speak about it for a while, though. Instead of confessing, Akashi was jealous of Kise’s fangirls (Kise was still working as a model in junior high), and Kise was jealous of Midorima in particular, who seemed to hang around with Akashi quite often.

 

It was then Akashi who confessed first. Kise cried when he heard the confession because it was simply unbelievable to him. He never thought Akashi would like him. He told frightened Akashi, who thought the tears were a sign of a rejection, that he liked him too and it became official. That happened on their last day of Teiko junior high.

 

They “hid” it from others as much as possible. They tried. First one who caught their relationship was Kuroko. Because of his lack of presence, Kuroko confessed that he saw them secretly holding hands in the shallow corner of the library, which he did not want and intend to see at all. Next was Aomine. He said it was almost impossible to notice because of Kise’s overly-friendly attitude towards Akashi that almost seemed like he was being attached to the captain. Momoi simply stated she always knew everything, and Murasakibara said the way Akashi looked at Kise was completely different from the way he looked at other teammates. And Midorima didn’t know until he was told. All of this happened less than three months of their relationship, so it was never a secret.

 

Kise would say his life just couldn’t get better. He was good at basketball, popular, good-looking, and had a perfect, gentle-mannered boyfriend. Throughout his high school years, he had learned bits of humility as well. Every day was a spring full of cherry blossoms for Kise. He firmly believed life was full of happiness and joy.

 

But it didn’t last long.

 

His father, who was a businessman and a CEO of a small company was conned when Kise was in 3rd year of his high school, September of that year. They lost all they had. People they didn’t know burst into his house and took all his households. When all this happened, all Kise could do was watch them with tear-filled eyes. In order to save money and pay for debt, his family moved into the smaller apartment. Kise tried to ignore the paints peeling off the wall and the rusts in the pipes, which froze so often in winter he had to take a cold shower.

 

And on December, Kise announced to Akashi he no longer wishes to continue their relationship without revealing the reason. There was no doubt that Kise loved Akashi, but everything going on tired him out completely. Smile was wiped off of his face, and he could feel that he was dragging Akashi down to his state of gloominess. He wasn’t confident enough to continue on at that state of mind. Everyone around him seemed worried, but Kise never told them what had really happened. Maybe he was used to hide and repressing his emotion, which was his old habit established after his early modeling years. Or maybe it was his pride and self-confidence as a teenager, that he didn’t want to tell any of his well-off friends about his financial instability. It wasn’t that Kise doubted their friendship and didn’t trust them, but he was rather, embarrassed.

 

Kise told Akashi that he didn’t love him anymore. Lie, a big fat lie. Kise had lied before, but those were petty lies; like he was supposed to do his homework, but didn’t do it, or telling a friend that his t-shirt was fashionable, but was terrible. And those lies did not hurt anyone. However, he hurt Akashi. He saw the eyes that were struck with pain, sturdy fingers trembling. Kise felt extremely guilty about it, but also, pain.

 

 

 

“I know you rejected me, and I-I, I, just, know that it all happened… but,” Akashi came up to him after a week since their brake-up, “I, just, can’t. I mean, I don’t want to be a burden and pressure you, no, never. But, but….”

 

Kise had never seen Akashi Seijuurou this nervous and stammering. He was clearly struggling to make a sentence sound legitimate and convincing.

 

“Can’t you think about it again?”

 

Akashi looked into his eyes. The red eyes were filled with sadness and desperation. Kise could tell that Akashi was heartbroken and he suddenly had an urge to alter his decision; to say that he was wrong. But he couldn’t.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kise said.

 

It was a split second, but Kise clearly spotted Akashi grimacing, not because of anger or betrayal, but because of sadness.

 

“I see,” Akashi let out a sigh and nodded, trying to be seen as understanding. Trying to sound reluctant, he whispered, “be happy, Ryouta.”

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

“This place is always my favorite,” Nijimura said, “sentimental, friendly, makes me feel at ease.”

“It does seem like it. All of your ‘favorite places’ have that mood,” Akashi replied.

“Right? And also, it’s not too bad for my dear emperor to have ‘common people’ food once in a while,” he smirked, “they make the best udons here.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” he smiled. Nijimura was one of his seniors from university, and now working as an intern in Akashi’s company. He was a friendly and humorous guy to be with. Nijimura ordered two chicken udons to the lady, who was the owner of the place.

 

 

 

“Thank you for your work today too. I’ll make sure about your overtime payment,” Mizuko said and Kise bowed. His shift was supposed to finish thirty minutes ago but Kise helped her with cleaning up for the majority of the customers already had left.

 

He put on his scarf and headed out, coming across a stranger, not really a stranger, near the entrance of the restaurant. Kise knew who it was. Akashi Seijuurou. It was tempting to run away from him like he did the last time, but it was true that Kise felt a little guilty for slapping on the face when Akashi didn’t do anything to deserve that. It was just him, purely out of anger and panic. His eyes met Akashi’s, and they both stopped. The black hair dude who was having dinner with Akashi seemed to recognize the strange atmosphere. After saying a short good bye, he left Akashi with the guy.

 

“Do you have anything to say?” Akashi asked. He wasn’t mocking, according to the tone of his voice but seemed genuinely curious.

“I’m sorry for the other day,” Kise said.

“The other day, ah.”

“I just have a thing with looks. What you said was kinda triggering for me.”

“Triggering?” Akashi asked.

“Yes, I mean, I know you said it as a compliment, but I just have a thing with, with, yeah.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to be.”

“I really want to apologize for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Akashi said.

“I don’t know how I could even make up for what I’ve done, I’m really, really, sorry.”

“Then, how about going on a date with me?”

“…Huh?”

“You said you wanted to make up, right?”

“I did.”

“Then go on a date with me.”

 

It was unexpected, and Kise stood there with his eyes wide open.

“I know you don’t like me that much,” he said, “but I do want to go on a date with you. Just once. And after that one time, I promise that I will never bother you again.”

“Do you like me that much? I slapped you in the face when I first saw you.”

“Surprisingly, I do.”

 

Akashi smiled. He shined in the middle of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

[ Sunday, 11:30PM. Let’s meet in front of the restaurant, where you work. I’ll arrange everything, since I was the one who asked you out. ]

 

Kise brushed his hair and neatly put on his cap. He didn’t forget his mask and looked himself in the mirror. Black cap, black mask, black jacket and long sleeve t-shirt inside along with black jeans and snickers. Perhaps dressing in all-black was a bit depressing for a date, Kise thought and changed into a white blouse. He looked in the mirror again and nodded. _Decent_ , he headed out.

 

It was exactly 11:29 when Kise arrived at the restaurant and spotted the bright red hair walking up to him. Maybe having a bright red hair could be an advantage when he is in the crowd with his friend, and his friends lost him, Kise thought. Akashi was wearing caramel color coat with sweater and jeans, which made him look two or three years younger and more approachable.

 

“Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Kise replied. “So, where are we going today?”

“To eat, first. Do you like steak?”

“Sure,” Kise said and walked towards the subway station.

“Where are you going?”

“To catch the train.”

“Oh, no. We’re going there by car.”

 

His car, the ridiculously fancy one that Kise could not fail to recognize on his way was parked on the side of the street. He did not know the brand of the car, yet was sure that it was years’ worth of Kise’s salary. Like any gentlemen would, Akashi opened the door for Kise and he hopped in. The ride was slightly awkward, but they tried to carry on the conversation. The restaurant which they arrived seemed luxurious, as Kise had expected. But unexpectedly, Akashi booked a private room just for the two.

 

“I like here, because gives me a lot of privacy.”

“It looks really nice,” more like, I would have to work for month to afford a meal here, Kise thought but swallowed the thought. He tried to look reluctant, not awed by the opulent atmosphere of the restaurant. Akashi took off his jacket and walked over to Kise, and Kise took off his jacket too and handed it to Akashi. “If you could excuse me, my cap…”

“If you feel uncomfortable taking it off, you don’t have to.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

 

Kise thought maybe it was impolite not to take off his hat but he shrugged the thought off. Akashi was the one who asked him out, when Kise was not in favor of the date so he should at least let Kise be at ease, right?

 

The waitress brought their menus, and Kise’s jaw almost dropped at the price of the food. The cheapest menu, the appetizer was 5000 Yen, and the main menus all cost more than 15 000 Yen. Since Akashi said in the car that he would be the one who’s paying all of their date fees, Kise did not worry about the price of the food but actually seeing the price was shocking. Again, he tried to look reluctant and ordered a sirloin steak, with fried potatoes and salad as a side dish. He was slightly amused that the waitress didn’t seem to be eyeing him for wearing a cap indoors but assumed that the workers in such a restaurant were trained strictly not to bother their customers.

 

“Ah, I forgot to introduce myself to you, haven’t I? I know it is a one-time date, but I think you will need a name to call me, right?” Akashi said, “my name is Akashi Seijuurou.”

“Yes, I know you.”

“Oh, you do?”

“I saw you in newspapers.”

“Ah ha. Anyways, I am twenty-eight years old, turning twenty-nine this December. You can call me Akashi-san, or Seijuurou-san, or whatever you like.”

“Akashi-san is good.”

“May I ask your name, too?”

“My name is Ki—,”

 

Shit.

 

Kise didn’t prepare a name. He should have. He can’t tell his name is Kise Ryouta to this man. Quick, come up with a name.

 

“I-I…”

 

Akashi patiently waited for his reply.

 

“Kinoshita Kazuki, is my name. I’m twenty-nine.”

 

Kise mumbled a name that came up in his mind. Kinoshita was a name of the photographer when he was still working as a model, and Kazuki was the name he came up on the spot.

 

“Kazuki, it’s a pretty name,” he smiled, “May I call you Kazuki-san for today?”

“Go ahead.”

 

That was the second lie Kise Ryouta told Akashi Seijuurou, but he didn’t bother to care. It was a one-time date anyways.

 

“Do you come to these restaurants often?” Kise asked, realizing it’s a stupid question a second later. Of course he would, the guy sitting right in front of him was a billionaire.

“Not actually. When people know that I’m the CEO of the company they think I have fancy meal every day and night, but in reality, I just shove Subways and McDonalds and Maji Burgers into my stomach. I’m too busy to wait for all the food. These restaurants are for special occasions only; either one, I have a business meeting with someone, or two, with a close friend.”

“Wow, that’s not like you, eating all that fast foods.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, I mean, you look rich. I thought a person like you would never have take outs,” Kise murmured, “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“No problem. Some questions I get are much worse,” Akashi laughed, “one time I had someone ask me if I only drink Evian. It surprises people that I drink water from water fountain.”

 

The waitress knocked and brought two soup, appetizer for both of them. Kise sipped the onion soup, and it was one of the best soups that he had ever tasted in his life. He could say it was definitely worth the money.

 

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, this is really good.”

“I’m glad,” Akashi said, “I don’t like creamy soups, but this one is an exception.”

“It’s nice.”

 

Akashi smiled, happy that his partner is enjoying the food. He looked at his date, who dragged the mask (which he was wearing) down to his chin to sip the soup. Under the shadow casted by the cap he was still wearing, Akashi could see a faint trace of scar. He couldn’t see it clearly, but was sure it was either birthmark or scar. Immediately he averted his eyes to his own food, feeling like he had discovered that was not to be.

 

 

 

After their lunch, Akashi took Kise to a quiet park. The leaves were turning yellow and red, like Akashi’s hair. He handed Kise a warm cup of coffee, sitting on the bench.

 

“Maybe I should have brought my camera,” Kise mumbled.

“A camera?” Akashi asked.

“Oh, it’s my… hobby.”

“Photography?”

“Yeah.”

“Interesting. What do you normally take pictures of?”

“A lot of things, but…” Kise knew the answer to this question straight away, but he didn’t want to tell Akashi directly about it. Photography was an extremely private matter to him. “Mostly nature.”

“That’s nice, nothing in the world is as exquisite as the mother nature itself, isn’t it?”

“Precisely.”

“I play basketball.”

“Pardon?”

“That’s my hobby, basketball,” Akashi claimed, “because you told me yours, right?”

“Oh, right,” Kise said. He knew that far too well.

“I also go horseback riding, but I can’t go there lot nowadays because I have lot of work to finish,” Kise knew this detail, too.

“The white one?” he asked without thinking. He then looked at Akashi, whose eyes were almost popping out. Shit, that was one of the core details that Kise was forbidden to mention.

“How did you know that? I have a white horse,” Akashi said, “and because she was born on a snowing day, and she has a white fur, her name is,”

 

_Yukimaru._

 

“Yukimaru.”

“Uh,” Kise thought for a legitimate answer, “you’re like a Disney Prince, and Disney Prince, usually have a white horse, you know? To rescue the princess and stuff? Y-yeah?”

 

Akashi laughed at that remark.

 

“I’m like a Disney Prince?” he smiled, “that’s a pleasant thing to hear.”

 

 _It’s kind of childish for me to say that,_ Kise thought but Akashi seemed to enjoy what he heard.

 

“Most of the people who first meet me think I’m scary.”

 

Understandable. Akashi Seijuurou as the strict captain was scary as hell. He was scarier than the actual coach.

 

“I can see why, for I am a very different person at work.”

“How are you like?”

“Strict. Very strict. I don’t let one little mistake slip by. It’s unacceptable. Some people do hate me for that, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

“That’s true.”

“Anyways, horseback riding is very relaxing. I hop on, and she just takes a walk with me. If you want, we can go next time—,”

 

And then both of them realized, there’s no next time. The awkward silence suddenly filled the gap between them.

 

“It’s just, nice,” Akashi stammered and finishes the sentence, “basketball, on the hand is exciting.”

“Is it?”

“Yes. Especially when I play with my high school friends. They’re all monsters. Do you like sports?”

“…No. I hate sports. I hate moving my body.”

 

That was the third lie Kise Ryouta told Akashi Seijuurou. But to certain extent, it was true. Kise hadn’t worked out properly since twenty-one.

 

“I think you will be good at it if you play sports. You’ve got a nice body,” Akashi paused, realizing that what he said might be awkward, “I mean, you’ve got height, long legs and arms. Those are ideal for basketball.”

“Thank you, but no thank you. I’d… stay in bed. I don’t have a good stamina either.”

“Oh well, we’ve all got different hobbies.”

 

Akashi smiled and got up from his seat. He threw away his plastic cup and reached his hand out to Kise.

 

“Thank you for spending time with me today,” he said, scribbling something on the back side of his business card and handing it to Kise, “that’s my phone number. Not for business, private matters only. I know you do not like me already, but if you do feel like you want to give me a second chance, that’s the number that you’re going to have to dial.”

“Thanks.”

 

Akashi nodded and smiled him a good bye when he drove Kise home. Watching the Benz fade away, Kise sighed and went into his small apartment. Lying in his bed, he looked at Akashi’s business card again. He really became the CEO, didn’t he.

 

When they were still in high school and dating, Kise once thought of themselves about decade later. Akashi would certainly carry over his father’s business, and Kise thought he would continue with his model work. He was getting quite popular in the industry, so he did think himself as a celebrity. Not a world-wide famous celebrity like Gigi Hadid but at least having some name value within the models. He would still be going out with Akashi, and they would love each other like nobody else. By then, they would be both famous and their love story would end happy-ever-after. Yes, Kise thought that could happen, until his father’s business started to fall apart.

 

It was painful, thinking of what he had to go through in those years without Akashi and any of the friends he knew. He suffered and tormented and screamed silently in excruciating pain, and now all Kise wanted was to forget about the past. About his past ten years that was painful as well as the times in high school. The times in Teikou were so happy that it put smile on Kise’s face, but gave him bitter taste of past when he snapped back to reality. Kise hated that.

 

He just wanted to start anew, and he was, to certain extent. Finding a new job, living out his daily life and saving up his minimum wage. But it was Akashi Seijuurou who suddenly popped up after a decade, and Kise couldn’t help but contemplate on his life now and back then. _Forget it_ , he thought. Akashi appeared, but he said he was going to disappear, and he was the man who kept his words.

 

That was it, between the two.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been three weeks since Kise had gone out a date with Akashi. There were no texts, calls, or any notes from Akashi. He did keep his words and Kise chose to go on. He expected that there will be no intersections of him and Akashi throughout.

 

An unexpected guest visited Kise’s house on Friday afternoon.

 

“…Kuroko-cchi?”

“Why are you standing there as if you’re seeing a ghost?” as usual, the smaller male sighed and brush passed Kise, stepping inside without a permission.

“How did you come here?”

“The person whom I interviewed today lived around here. And I thought I would hang over and do some work, or, you know. Spend some time.”

“And is that….”

“Yes, this is chicken. I didn’t come empty-handed.”

“Love you, Kuroko-cchi! I love fried chicken! Did you get—,”

“Yes, I got beer too.”

“Love you even more.”

 

Cheers, they said and drank a can of beer. Hot and crispy chicken with cold beer was always the best combination of food. When they were full, Kise lied back and spread his arms and legs. Seeing his friend relaxed, Kuroko tipped off the cap that Kise was wearing ever since he entered the house.

 

“You don’t need to be so formal when you’re with me.”

“Ah, it’s a habit. I feel like this is a part of my body.”

“No need.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t be so self-conscious, Kise-kun. You look good.”

“…Are you hitting on me?”

“Sorry, but unfortunately I’m not gay. Nor bi. At least till now.”

“Ah, I always used to be the one hitting on you all the time, it feels nice that you’re hitting on me. I feel loved.”

“Sorry to ruin your fun, but I’ve got a girlfriend.”

 

Kise almost spat out the remaining beer in his mouth when he heard that.

 

“A girlfriend?”

“Is it seriously _that_ shocking?”

“No, I mean, no,” Kise stuttered, “most of the women fail to even _recognize_ you. That you’re standing right next to them.”

“Yes, they do. Even till now.”

“Ugh, too bad, Kuroko-cchi. After having that decent face and nice manners, you can’t use it to flirt with women because you’re basically invisible.”

“Thanks for reminding me that.”

“So does this girl recognize you?”

“She does, that’s why she’s dating me,” Kuroko said in a slightly frustrated tone.

“Huh, that’s interesting. Even when we were in high school, the one that recognized you full-time was only Momo-cchi—Wait!!”

 

Kuroko averted his eyes.

 

“Seriously?” Kise asked, “is it Momo-cchi?”

“Seems like you already know the answer.”

“Holy fuck,” he commented, “ _holy fuck_!”

“What?”

“I mean, I know she was all over you in junior high and high school, but I never imagined you would actually go out.”

“Destiny,” Kuroko shrugged, “how ‘bout you, Kise-kun? Do you have anyone you’re interested in?”

“Me? Nah, I’m single as always.”

 

 _Because you’re always too afraid to meet new people and self-conscious about yourself_ , Kuroko swallowed his thought. Whenever he was with Kise, he tried to keep the conversation easy-going because he knew what Kise had been going through till now. He tried to be cautious since he didn’t want to hurt Kise.

 

“Never been on a date too? Not even a blind date?”

 

Kise flinched at Kuroko’s words. He did meet with Akashi recently, and Akashi did call it a date. It was a date, but… Kise didn’t want to tell Kuroko about it. Why? He questioned himself. He always told Kuroko everything. He was one of the only friends that Kise kept in contact with after the disaster. There were some things that had to be kept private, but if it wasn’t extremely private, Kise always told Kuroko his secrets. It was one thing that their friendship was sturdy, and it was another thing that Kise didn’t have anyone else to rely on.

 

Yet strangely enough, Kise couldn’t tell Kuroko about Akashi. He thought it was nothing. A simple date to make up for his mistakes; that was it. They didn’t hold hands nor hugged, it was having lunch together and talking. If Kise didn’t really care about it, it was a one-time incident that could be talked with Kuroko oh-so-easily.

 

“No,” Kise said, feeling guilty that he was lying to his only friend. Kuroko stared at him, as if he was examining Kise but continued on.

“Do you want me to set you up with someone I know? She’s Momoi’s friend. I have a picture of her,” he pulled out his cellphone, “there you go. She’s single too.”

“She’s gorgeous.”

“Yes, she is. I can set you up if you’d like.”

“No thank you,” Kise said, “I don’t have room for love right now.”

“Alright then. Tell me when you do have some room, then.”

“Gosh, why do you want me to date so much, Kuroko-cchi? Because I won’t pester you anymore?” Kise said in a playful tone, chewing the dried squid snack that Kuroko bought in the convenience store along with beer.

“…You look lonely, Kise-kun,” Kuroko said. He was being honest and sincere, “I wish there are more people around you, to talk with you, to spare time with you, and to have fun with you.”

“I-I,” Kise swallowed his tears, “I’m not lonely, because I’ve got you.”

“I’m glad that I can keep you in company, but… I just wish you interact with more people.”

 

Kuroko spotted gloom in Kise’s face. He wanted to talk through Kise about it, but it seemed like Kise had a lot of things going on his mind. Deciding it’s the best to stop his advice here today, Kuroko switched the topic to his work, the article he’s been working on. It was about the crime that happened a few months ago in the prefecture next to the one that Kise was living in, and Kuroko told him that the crime might be related to something else—the private matters of the biggest Japanese business group. Kise did show some interest, and their conversation started again from there, no dark and serious topic.

 

About 11pm, Kuroko left Kise’s house, catching a taxi. Cleaning up the mess—although Kuroko cleaned up quite a bit after they drank—Kise thought about what Kuroko said. He needed to meet more people. And also the reason why he couldn’t tell Kuroko about Akashi.

 

Maybe I did enjoy it, the date.

 

Kise paused at his thought. Did he enjoy the date with Akashi? From a rational and analytical point of view, yes, he did. The fancy car ride, nice restaurant, how gentleman-like Akashi was, they were all very pleasant. But did he really enjoy the date, when his partner was Akashi, the person whom Kise was the most afraid of to meet? The person whom Kise Ryouta envied?

 

Yet what if envy and horror wasn’t the only feeling Kise had towards Akashi? What if it was stability, comfort, warmth, or even love? Kise denied it. He didn’t have those feeling towards Akashi. Or maybe he didn’t want to believe that he had those feelings for Akashi. Was that the reason why Kise couldn’t tell Kuroko about it? Because Kise didn’t want to admit that he felt comfort to someone whom he envy so much? Perhaps it was the fact that Kuroko might judge him; Kise was the one who left Akashi with scars. Now to meet up with him again, and possibly feeling comfortable around him would be quite the irony. It would make Kise a complete asshole. Kise was certain that Kuroko was not the type of a person who judges anyone such light-heartedly, but he was afraid.

 

Kise lied on his side and tucking the blanket. Kuroko was right. The bed was full and room was small, but it felt so empty. Every night, loneliness haunted him and Kise didn’t have anyone to rely on. It always felt as if there was a big hole in middle of his heart. If only someone was lying next to him, hugging him, that would make things much better.

 

What would be being with Akashi like? Kise’s thoughts trailed off. It would be warm and he would feel so safe. Akashi’s arms were firm and strong, always reassuring Kise of his love. When Akashi hold him, Kise felt like he owned the entire world. The soft tingling of his heart made his entire body tickle gently, eventually bringing a soft rosy color to his cheeks as he felt Akashi’s small chuckles on his nape. He felt so secure and happy, but he lost it.

 

Kise fumbled Akashi’s business card. Eleven numbers, dial, that was it. Easy as that.

 

But Kise couldn’t do it, and he didn’t do it. Contacting his ex, although Akashi didn’t know the true identity of Kise yet, when he was drunk at night was one of the worst things he could ever do. If Kise were to call Akashi, it had to be in the morning when he was fully awake and conscious, not in the middle of emotional turmoil. He put down his phone and tried to fall asleep.

 

The next morning, Kise was glad that he made a wise decision last night. It would have been worst, acting solely on his emotions; he was not a high school student anymore.

 

He went to work, cooked, went back home, relaxed, and fall asleep. His daily schedule continued on for a week and Kise pretended that he was okay even though he already realized he was not. Kuroko’s words pierced him like a sharp arrow. Kise knew he needed someone beside him, and all he could think about was Akashi. Yes, presence of Akashi Seijuurou, and the situation Kise was in was enough to make him feel uncomfortable about the red head, but at the same time, Kise couldn’t help but think how secure those arms felt. How innocent that smile was. How happy he was.

 

He needed someone, and he knew that someone was Akashi.

 

Did he even have a right to call Akashi back? Not only Kise dumped Akashi when they were in high school, but also, he was pretending to be someone else.

 

But I had a tough time. I’m hurt, I’m tired. And I’m lonely.

 

Those words only justified Kise’s actions. Kise knew he was going to feel guilty later on, yet nothing could really stop him at that point.

 

 

 

***

 

 

“I’m pleasantly surprised,” Akashi said, “what changed your mind?”

“I don’t know. Just emotional turmoil.”

“I’m glad. I was, and I am still interested in you.”

“…I seriously don’t know why you’re so interested in me,” Kise mumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, I’m not a great guy. I’m just a poor dude working at a restaurant. I don’t know why the hell someone like you would find me interesting.”

“It’s just… I guess, emotions. Feelings. I can’t explain it either.”

 

They were both sitting in the café, Akashi drinking black coffee as usual and Kise, this time drinking peach tea, wishing the tea can calm down his nerves a little.

 

“I don’t know how I changed my mind either, seriously,” Kise said, “but I thought I want to know more about you. I know it’s kinda hard to know everything about a person in one sitting, but, that’s how I felt.”

“I’m more than happy to hear that,” Akashi smiled. Faint naughtiness was present in his grin, “that means that you’re interested in me too, right?”

“Interpret it as you like, because I don’t know how I feel about everything at this point.”

“Nice, where do we start with? What are you most curious about?”

 

Kise pondered for a second. He didn’t really know either. Inside his head, when he was drawing a picture of today, the conversation was going quite smooth. Yet when Akashi asked him in a such straightforward way, Kise couldn’t reply either. To earn some time to think, Kise sipped his tea. When he put down his cup, he asked Akashi,

 

“Your ex?”

 

Akashi laughed at that and Kise’s face burned up. He blurted out without thinking, and as soon as he did, he recognized that it was one of the most stupid questions he could ask Akashi about, because he was Akashi’s ex, sitting right in front of it. Kise meant all the other guys and girls Akashi dated after they broke up, but he had to admit the question itself was stupid. Not only that, but also the fact that ex’s are extremely private matter to couples bothered Kise.

 

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s okay. Rather, we’re going fast, aren’t we? Learning about ex’s in our second date,” he said in a teasing tone.

“Who cares, we’re not even properly dating just yet.”

“That is true,” Akashi said, “so, my ex, hmm.”

 

Smile immediately washed off of Akashi’s face. Kise didn’t exactly know the expression Akashi was making but could sense the sadness.

 

“My first love came to me during the transitioning days from junior high to high school,” Akashi told him in a quieter, steadier tone, “it was a guy.”

 

Kise knew what Akashi was going to talk about. His fingers trembled a little.

 

“I loved him more than I loved anyone else. We dated for three years we spent in high school.”

“That’s a long time for teenage couples.”

“It is. I was serious about my relationship, and I’m sure he was, too. I doubted if he was serious just as I am, but I decided to think he was. Because otherwise, he wouldn’t have went out with me for three years, right?”

 

Akashi looked up. There weren’t any tears in his eyes, but his smile was sad, and Kise could read something else off, bitterness.

 

“I’m sure he loved you as much as you loved him.”

 

It was true. Kise didn’t want to break up with Akashi either. He lied to Akashi when he said he didn’t love him, but it wasn’t true, and it was a lie to cover up his family issues which he didn’t want to reveal to anyone else.

 

“But he said he didn’t love me anymore,” Akashi said, “I thought he didn’t actually mean it at first.”

 

Kise was surprised to hear that.

 

“How do you know?”

“I knew him well better than anyone else in school. Or I wanted to believe that he didn’t mean it. I begged him, if he can come back to me,” Akashi paused, “but he didn’t. If he really loved me back, he would have come back, right?”

“H-he, he, might have other issues, don’t you think?”

“Pardon?”

“I mean, you’re right. He may have loved you when he broke up with you, and it was a lie he told you because the real reason for breaking up was something else.”

 

He watched for Akashi’s reaction. His eyes wide, Akashi nodded.

 

“That is an interesting theory. It is possible. If that is the case, I wonder what is the ‘real reason,’” he sipped his coffee, “but I’m okay now.”

“Are you?”

“Yes, it’s been a decade. I was an inexperienced high school boy and so was he. Whatever was the reason for our break up, it’s over no matter how sweet that relationship was. I’ve gotten over it.”

“What kind of person was he?”

 

Kise’s heart thumped bit. He wondered what kind of a person he was to a person whom he loved a decade ago. To a person whom he hurt.

 

“He was sweet. I’ve always thought he was the sweetest person I’ll ever come across.”

“Even when he hurt you so bad?”

 

And he was ready to face any criticism.

 

“What can I do? It was not his fault that he didn’t love me anymore. Things happen, without intentions, without planning. Just like how I fell for you,” Akashi smiled. His bittersweet, sad expression was gone, and a pair of eyes were staring Kise confidently, “I think it was a life lesson for me. An experience. A memory that I can keep to myself and sometimes look back, thinking it was a good time. I hope he feels the same way.”

 

Kise was shook.

 

“I can only say this because time had passed by. It took me a long time to accept the break up either.”

“You’re…,” Kise stuttered, “too good for him.”

 

The reason behind Kise coming to his second date was one, he did feel lonely and he missed Akashi’s presence, how nice he was to Kise last time. However, Kise also wanted to know how Akashi thought of him, because one day he knew he would have to spill the truth if he continues the relationship. Honestly, Kise was scared. He thought Akashi would hate him for leaving him lonely after three years of dating. Yet Akashi Seijuurou was generous enough to wish Kise happiness. Kise immediately was ashamed of himself and thought how mature he had become.

 

 

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking in the café, and then Akashi invited him over to take a walk again. Kise hesitantly told him that he didn’t like going to places where it was crowded. Akashi only said okay and didn’t ask further. The more Kise got to spend time with him, the more he realized what a gentleman Akashi had become.

 

“Thank you for going out with me again. I highly appreciate it.”

“Thank you, for not rejecting me even though I was being rude to you the last time.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, “would you… like to go out with me sometime again?”

 

Kise wanted to say “yes,” but there was something holding him back.

 

“I’ll… come back to you as soon as I can.”

“I hope I’ll get a positive response.”

“Bye.”

“Good bye.”

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Kise knew he had to make up his mind. What his instincts were screaming was yes, he liked Akashi. Even when he was in high school, he didn’t break up with Akashi because he truly didn’t love him anymore. Decade later, Akashi was smarter, richer, and more mature. Kise didn’t have room for love in his first date, caught up in his own fear that Akashi might recognize him. However, in the second date, when he was more relaxed, he found out that he and Akashi made a good pair. He felt nice and comfortable talking to Akashi, his heart often skipping a beat when he found the red and yellow eyes were staring at him.

 

However, Kise wasn’t sure if he even had the right to fall in love with Akashi. It was him who hurt Akashi ten years ago. Did he even have the right to go out with Akashi? But again, Kise could justify himself over and over. He himself had a tough time as well, things were not working out, and he was immature and young. He felt guilty for what he had done in the past but knew that the emotion towards Akashi was much greater than guilt.

 

_I mean, couples break up anyways. What was so wrong about it? All I have to do is hide his name and high school he enrolled in._

 

A few months, or a year, should be okay, right?


End file.
